Something About Televangelists

The following is a satirical news commentary dreamt up early this morning while my cat was in heat. While the facts are true the circumstances in which they occur are not.

Pat Robertson Banned in Britain

London- U.S. televanvelist Pat Robertson has been denied entry to the United Kingdom for a planned tour this fall, officials here say. Robertson, who had planned to take his "700 Club Neo-Con Tour 2005" to London this September had no immediate comment. Britain finalized a new plan on Wednesday to help deport or bar radicals who promote terrorism. Home Secretary Charles Clarke said the list of so-called "unacceptable behaviors" will counter the "real and significant" threat of terrorism. The list of "unacceptable behaviors" includes those that:

• foment, justify or glorify terrorist violence;
• seek to provoke others to terrorist acts;
• foment other serious criminal activity or seek to provoke others to commit serious criminal acts; or
• foster hatred that might lead to inter-community violence in Britain

Earlier this week Mr. Robertson shocked the world with comments regarding Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. On the Monday show of "The 700 Club," Roberstson suggested an assassination of Chavez: "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop." He continued by saying:"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion (US) war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

British officials believe that an assassination of a world leader would be considered an act of terrorism, and do not want Robertson promoting this kind of hate in their country. Prime Minister Tony Blair said that "the guy is nuttier than my grandmother's fruit cake." Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said his department "doesn't do that type of thing [assassinate leaders], although private citizens say all kinds of things all the time." Asked what would happen if a private citizen made a similar assassinationtion remark about President Bush, Rumsfeld said "We'd deal with him Texas style. You know, a big ol' barbecue. We'd fry that sucker."